banter, cats, felines, humour, Magic, pets, Uncategorized

The Lion and the Unicorn

Today I am going to entertain you with a little story about Sir Rufus and his unicorn dream. It has a bit of a surprise ending which makes it all the more fun!

Sir Rufus was very tiredlast Sunday  after having enjoyed   a lovely lunch. In fact he had eaten both his own portion and half of mine so his belly was really full.  So Rufus decided to lie down on the couch, cuddling up to his favourite cushion, the one with the large white unicorn.

thelionandtheunicorn

Suddenly Rufus heard a melodious voice whisper in his ear: ” Hello, precious one, how about letting me have the crown for a while now. You took it but I  can’t see that you are ever wearing it. And it would look much better on me…”

 Sir Rufus began to wonder if he was going slightly mad because cushions don’t usually speak , now do they? But the unicorns lips were moving and he began  stretching his long legs and shaking  his mane in an alarming manner ,  so Sir Rufus- who wasn’t the bravest of old sports , decided to recite a poem he knew in order to buy some time:

The lion and the unicorn were fighting for the crown
The lion beat the unicorn all around the town.
Some gave them white bread, and some gave them brown;
Some gave them plum cake and drummed them out of town.

 

The unicorn began to swish his tail and look even more irritated so Sir Rufus quickly said: “I am NOT the lion that took the crown away from you. He was much bigger than me. Have you ever seen me wearing a crown, Sir Unicorn?”

The unicorn had to admit that he thought it strange that Sir Rufus never wore the crown after having fought so hard to get it. Sir Rufus licked one of his front paws slowly and then he said in an innocent voice “I have never worn a crown but I have heard it said that crowns  are so very uncomfortable to have on one’s head . I guess the poor lion suffers from  a headache every time he wears it.You, Sir Unicorn, look so very regal in yourself that you do not need a crown.”

The unicorn began to feel flattered and looked admiringly at Sir Rufus. What a smart little lion he was! But he was badly in need of some styling advice , thought the unicorn.  He decided to start by giving him a little bath in order to make his lovely red coat glisten. Sir Rufus enjoyed this at first but after a few minutes felt that the unicorn had quite a large and  very wet tongue so he carefully raised his front paw to tell him to take a pause- in the politest possible way, of course. But when he opened his eyes he found that the unicorn had turned into A TIGER!

Lord Tiger

And exactly who the tiger is I will tell you in my next post!

HERKULES

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banter, cats, felines, humour, Magic, pets, tarot, Uncategorized

HERKULES FIRST EVER TAROT CARD READING

I a soooo excited because our MOM has just received

a TAROT deck in the mail!

What is that, you may ask?

Well, it’s  really just a number of cards in a box accompanied by a little book on how to “read ” the cards. The cards are quite large and have different scenes painted on their fronts, but their backs all look the same. There are a lot of different decks to choose from and each  deck also has  a name- but we wont bother about that right now.  However, I might mention that I chose this particular deck because I was bored with my MOM staring at different tarot decks so I put my paw on the keyboard so this one  dropped into the online shopping cart…Our MOM really needed some help to reach a decision so “Handy Herk” decided to take matters between his two front paws…

TAROT cards may look “ordinary” but as I see it they are “magical” and anything with the word “magic” really makes my whiskers quiver in positive anticipation. As you all know I am  the “MAGICAL MYSTERY CAT” so learning some tarot stuff feels really up my street.

Incidentally, I have read on the internet that some two-legged ones do professional tarot card readings so I thought to myself-

How difficult can this  be?”

Maybe I can try my paws at it and perhaps even earn some cash for some TASTY TREATS

or COMFY CUSHIONS?

Magically awesome idea!  Come to think of it  I bet there are CATS out there that really would appreciate being given a tarot reading by a smart  feline like me!  Perhaps even DOGS  would ask for my services….

But let’s get back to the here and now before that nosy Sir Rufus wakes up!

I am going  to  push the box of cards  off the coffee table so that I can have a good look at them. DONE!

Gosh, there are  sooooo many! How long time will it take to read all the different meanings of these cards? 

But I quickly decide to ignore the book and grab a card- one with a BIG cat on it!

It is  called 

The QUEEN OF WANDS

ME AND MY MOM

WOW! I REALLY  LIKE this card. Of course – it shows an attractive  lady and a handsome feline, mirroring  me and my MOM!

We both look strong, confident and full of energy. Ok, the lion might not be striped like me……in fact it really looks more like Sir Rufus than my good self, but still it is a FELINE and that is what is important here. It shows that  the lady has the strength and courage of a lion  and MOST IMPORTANTLY-   that she has the good sense to enjoy feline company. She looks very free and happy and the wand makes her look powerful and ready for action.

The lady reminds me of my  MOM either holding a  cat  amusement  wand, a wooden spoon , or  her riding crop . These symbolize  her three main interests: entertaining us cats, baking cakes ,  and riding dressage.

There is also a BIG BIRD up above. Now birds don’t impress me all that much but this is an EAGLE  and this probably means that the Queen of Wands is an inspiring and daring visionary since she is able to look at stuff from a bird’s eye perspective. Jolly useful I’d say. I also love the three balls and the fact that Mr Leo has caught one of them…Clever cat!

PHEW, THIS WAS REALLY HARD WORK!

But I think I did pretty well, don’t you? I might well become an expert with a bit more practise. And then you are all welcome to book me for a reading!

Gosh, I am very  HUNGRY!

I need to get to the kitchen and interrupt my MOM in her baking session so that I get my dinner.

Tell that  QUEEN OF WANDS to  drop that darned wooden spoon and dish up the Royal Canin!

HERKULES

 

 

banter, cats, felines, Magic, michael jackson, pets, Uncategorized

SELMA VIKTORIA

Darling BELOVED sister,

selma gorgeous

You left us on Thursday December 13th on the Feast of Santa Lucia.

This day is a celebration of light but you made our world less bright by slipping away so suddenly.

You fought bravely through a brief period of illness  and we all tried our best to make your final days as warm and comfortable as possible.

You made it to age 16 but you were always a real “babe”, beautiful Selma Viktoria.

You charmed  us all  with you Beauty, Grace and Social Skills. And you showed us who was in charge with your explosive dragon puffs of fire and sudden displys of  sharp claws!!! SelmaViktoria-An irresistable combination of beauty and strength!

We will always be under your spell, darling Selma.

And since both you  and our Mom LOVE  the music of Michael Jackson.

this beautiful song is dedicated to you from

me , Charlie Chaplin and our Mom.

Selma Viktoria- you are NOT alone because you are always in our hearts!

HERKULES  CHARLIE CHAPLIN MOM

banter, cats, humour, Magic, pets, Uncategorized

SUPERHERO BACK IN BUSINESS!

F I N A L L Y ! SUPER DUPER HERO  HERKULES is back!

BACK in command of the laptop! Double double double PURRRR! Hear my roar, the roar of the tabby tiger!

Brief summary of reason for my absence from blog posting!

My MOM has been on this laptop almost ALL of the “merrie” month of May so as you can understand

I have been VERY VERY annoyed!

I have SULKED, POUTED , given her a taste of my powerful paw –

but to NO AVAIL….” No”, she says, “you will have to wait til I finish my course on Celtic superheroes and what-have-you”! And then she patted me gently on the head and whispered that it wouldn’t take that long at all…..What a load of tosh! If she AT LEAST had dealt with Greek superheroes like my namesake HERKULES! That would have been a little more understandable. Someone with a brilliant name and matching personality to boot. After all, here we have the perfect hero on his white horse:

 As you can see HERKULES  always gets the girl- just like a true hero should.

Just like yours truly unruly LOL!

But Celtic ones with crazy names such as CU CHULAINN… Who into the bargain is apparently known as “The Hound of Ulster”. A HOUND! A double insult to my delicate ego!

Honestly, how can a two-legged as smart as my MOM spend valuable laptop time on a dude that LOOKS and ACTS like thisssssss?

Apparently our hotheaded friend here wasn’t all that smart- tied himself to a pole in order to die the death of a hero standing on his feet!!! Typically canine values. FAR better to do a runner and save yourself I say. Of  course all my feline followers will totally agree with my MOST INTELLIGENT point of view ON THIS VITAL SUBJECT. Thanks guys!

However, I MIGHT consider taking a leaf out of old CuchyCully’s book and use it to take control over the Gurll who is mine. I mean, I CERTAINLY  don’t want this laptop issue to repeat itself. My MOM needs to learn that it is SHE who must ask sweetly to borrow MY laptop and not the other way round. So in order to teach her respect I will try out the famous battle frenzy of CuchyCully on her. It is called a “Riastrad” and here I am practising THE LOOK with which I will launch my frenzy:

BRILLIANT , isn’t it? You can feel me revving up for my next move, right????

Practise practise practise makes purrfect!

So guys, I will keep u posted on what happens when I have displayed my full battle frenzy on my Mom!

So CuchyCuly and Fionn and company -take a long walk on a very short bridge!

THE MAGICAL  FELINICIOUS SUPERHERO IS BACK!

HERKULES

banter, cats, humour, Magic, pets

THE ART OF SNOOZING

 

 The Art of Snoozing

Dedicated to SelmaViktoria my Dragon-Cat sister

by

HERKULES

 

 The Art of Snoozing

Is a delicate thing…

For some it is a piece of cake

Others practise and practise  to progress make

 SelmaViktoria she does it with ease

In fact she is a bit of a tease

A foxy lady

With an agenda a little bit shady

 

 You’d think she was fast asleep

Curled cosily upon the window seat

Then  Herkules stealthily approaches

She feels his presence  encroaches

Upon her PRIVATE space!!!

 Behind eyelids veiled she plots a race

 

From room to room without trace

“Sleeping” Selma opens her eyes in a flash

Paw comes out, strikes Herkules twice

Opens her mouth :

“Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!”

 

Snubbed and shamed he sneaks away

Getting the message in no uncertain way

Order is restored,

Naughty Herkules is floored!

 Selma Victorious

Fast and glorious

A feline beauty who will

Rise and Shine

Feeling her inner power 

Magically  Divine

SELMAVIKTORIA QUEEN OF SNOOZE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

cats, humour, Magic, pets

CHARLIE GOES GLAM

Miauuuu, felines!

This is SOOOOO funny! You all know the Muppets, right? And I bet you ALL love em !

MUPPETS  sure do tickle my feline fancie!!!

Especi-illy-ally good old Kermit the frog! He uses so many long and wonderful words and he is so happy with his wide froggy grin shaking his looong legs and arms all over the place! Green dude sure  rocks, right???

We have spent many happy hours hangin on the couch with our MOM being entertained by

MUPPET MADDNESS!!!

Even if I am not into SILLY-EBRETIES I wouldn’t turn down sharing some prawns and water with Kermit or Fonzie or Miss Piggy!

But please keep that Swedish chef under lock and key! He aint safe – I mean he would turn ANYTHING and ANYBODY INTO A MEAL!

SCARY- I used to hide behind the couch once he started waving a rolling pin or banging around with his pots and pans! But of course he is SWEDISH and we all know that those dudes are ALL mad AS HATTERS!

Now MISS PIGGY is a real funny Muppet but she does not realize that she is a bit- shall we say-stooopid at times! She is also VERY VERY vain- even more  than our SelmaViktoria! Tossing her blond mane and strutting her stuff on every possible social and impossible occasion!

But feline males  can also be keen to GLAM THEMSELVES UP  AT TIMES!! LOL! Look what I caught on candid camera late last night:

CHARLIE - YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH SPARKLES!

Who  would have guessed that Charlie would want to try out THE MISS PIGGY OPI claw varnish DIVINE SWINE!!!  Sneaky little dude! He  spotted our MOM doing her nails all LURVERLY SPARKLY purple so HE WANTED TO GET A HOLD of that tempting bottle full of stardust.

Actually our MOM is pretty strict- and she doesn’t approve of cats wearing nailvarnish. But Charlie is very persistent and he gave her THE LOOK . He jumped up on to the desk while she was lying on the couch painting putting the adorable sparkles on each of her claws, and then he climbed down onto her shoulder and landed on her lap, turned round and draped himself with great elegance and precision round her waistline, whiskers all aquiver with excitement. YES, guys, the nail varnish had dried and the bottle was sitting steadily on the table. Nope, no worries about us all being starstudded in magenta goo!!! Bet that got ya all nervious, right??? And Charlie is allowed to HOLD the bottle and also to borrow MOM’s sparkly bracelet… I think “Borrow” means “ADOPT” but MOM doesn’t realize that…..YET!

Well, fenile followers- Charlie has no idea that I took this photo of him! It will be a great surprise for him when he gets a look at my post here. HEHEHE!

Charlie has a bit of a temper since he is an Aries so he might get MAD BAD and DANGEROUS to know!

Oh, Charlie is coming towards me eager to see what I am doing. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Gonna hide under the bed now!!!

Herkules

banter, cats, Halloween, humour, Magic, pets, pumpkin

PUMPKIN TIME!

Hi there, feline followers!

“The pumpkins are glowing, the skeletons dancing,

Ghosts  down the streets come prancing,

Chilling our bones with their screams,

Playing funny tricks with our dreams.

Headless monsters go creak in the night

Making us shake with delicious delirious delight!

Boooo!”

Was my poem scary for you, felines???

HALLOWEEN  is  here and I am busy getting into the mood. As I guess you all are, my followers!!!

This time of year it is so much fun with all the glowing pumpkins. My whiskers get all excited checking out the feline ones. Here are three of my favourites

1.The LOOKALIKE.This looks just like handsome magical  me so gotta LOVE it! Purr!

2. The Pink Panther goes Halloween. I love this smart and intelligent panther. He has it all:

3. The BAT CAT. Eat your heart out, Batman. Here comes the Batcat- cool, smart and supersonic!

Just wanted to share with you a piece of evidence showing that we cats are excellent pumpkin carvers. Dogs DO TRY – I say no more… Let the picture speak for itself:

Exactly!!! Well, we must remember dogs are dogs and they eat everything and wag their tails when they are happy. So this dog doesn’t really suprise me much!!!

BTW I KNOW that you are all looking forward to my Halloween outfit but PATIENCE!  I have not quite decided on my costume yet so you will have to  wait a little longer… But I promise something

SPOOKTACULAR!

HERKULES

banter, cats, humour, Magic, pets, Uncategorized

KEEP WATCHIN’!

Rain, rain, RRRRRRAIN….

OUTside- sO I am awfully chuffed to be an INdoor cat today!!!

 “It is raining cats and dogs”, my MOM said when peering out thru the  misty bedroom window when she got out of bed this morning.

X CUSE me? Did I just hear “Raining  CATS and DOGS”?  W O W!

Sorry MOM, but this really is an extremely stupid thing to say. I and Charlie Chaplin spent a good few hours cosied up in the window seat searching  for cats and dogs lurking in the raindrops.

GUESS WHAT?

 We didn’t see a single one- not even the flick of a whisker! So either the raincats and dogs were travelling incognito or those humans don’t MUCH KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT!

WELL, it wouldn’t be the first time humans were caught with their fingers in the  cookie tin LOL!!!

However,  a couple of smart Weather Girls sang  this song called “It’s raining MEN” and I think they  were more up to scratch than the rest of the human race. After all they must have had some sightings of dudes falling from the sky sporting trenchcoats and brollies to come up with the idea….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBlbPw7WAqM&feature=related

This definately warrants further investigation from your favourite feline detectives!

So after a light lunch of lovely jubbely SARDINES in tomato sauce shared with MOM we decided to investigate those mysterious men in the rain.

Well,  I am

M O S T disappointed! There weren’t any guys hiding in the raindrops either….Neither with brollies nor without!

So I think Charlie and I will let go of this investigation and give our MOM a ginormous Cheshire cat grin next time she says”It’s raining cats and dogs” or she is dancing to  “It’s raining men”.

You see felines,  you have to KEEP WATCHIN  when the humans start making things up off the tops of their wee heads.

MOM just read what I wrote here and she laughingly informed us that these things being said about raining men and dogs and cats  were just sayings. And words in sayings don’t  actually mean what they mean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish humans would say what they mean instead of saying what they DON’T mean. Any wonder they  get into SOOOO much trouble!

Well, we felines know MUCH MUCH BETTER! We ALWAYS say what we mean! We are pure purrfection …..

So therefore it is of PURRAMOUNT Importance to KEEP WATCHIN’!

HERKULES & CHARLIE

 

banter, cats, humour, Magic, pets

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAVOURITE SINGER!

FREDDIE MERCURY

“WITH FREDDIE, HOME WAS WHERE THE CATS WERE!”

BRILLIANT FELINE TWO LEGGED DUDE AND CAT LOVER!

Selma Viktoria, Charlie Chaplin and Herkules

We LOVE your voice!

It is soooo divine for a light snooze or for some serious deep sleep and magical dreams!

PURRRRRRRR!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KX2BQM0D01M

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roeNc6COPTI

 

HERKULES

 

banter, cats, humour, Magic, michael jackson, pets, Uncategorized

HERKULES IN BALLERINAS

MOM!

After YOUR UNINVITED visit here I have been  ON S T R I K E !

Yes, indeed!

I have been SO IRRITATED and my whiskers have been QUIVERING with rage  for several days and nights….

Sorry followers, but I just had to stay away from here on PRINCIPLE!

IT HAS NOT BEEN FUN AND MY PAWS HAVE BEEN ITCHING TO PLAY ON THE KEYBOARD and share my feline views with you all—

I am BACK because   have now had a long and very SERIOUS conversation with my MOM and she has PROMISED me that next time she will ASK MY PERMISSION before she writes anything on here again.

 And of course we will discuss the PRICE she will have to pay…..

However,  I am DELIGHTED  to see that quite a few of you have been here and read MOM’s “Magic Slippers” poem. I must admit it is a lovely poem. AND- The Gloved One and I both wear  gloves, we can Moonwalk and we have gorgeous voices . SO  I guess MJ reminded  you, my feline followers, of me.

However,while he has his hiccups I have my gorgeous PURRsonality! HE heeeee! So of course he cannot seriously compete with my royal self LOL!!!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

OOOOOPS! I think I fell asleep!

A l m o s t….

WHAT’S THAT  N O I S E  coming from the hall? Must check it out…HMMMM….MOM has arrived home. With a shopping bag? Let me see, let me see……It is always so EXCITING  when my MOM does some shopping!

It might be food, or it might be clothes or stuff like that! She always spreads the clothes on top of the bedspread to admire what she has just bought. And I always jump up and lie all over the things, just to try them out and give them THE OK!  I call it “Quality control!

So let me  see what we have here- it’s a box this time. Open, open, open, H U R R Y  U P ! 

What on earth!!! I see  something  L E O P A R D Y …..And something glittery. TWO of the same. ……

Oh, a pair of shoes! A pair of feline slippers with glass stones on the toes. Leopard patterned. Purrr….PURR…purrrrr    I like the feline touch. 

But I need two more if I shall wear them on MY paws.

These humans never learn to count properly,  do they? MOM- 4 paws I have, not 2!

Oh, so you bought them for yourself? Well see about that….

I think I will roll on top of them, decorate them with some of my fur  so that they look more authentic. And give them my signature scent!

Noooooo, MOM!, I was just gonna help……. don’t take them away, please….. They are probably MAGIC and therefore they are purrfect for me – THE MAGICAL MYSTERY CAT………..

HERKULES IN Ballerinas

PS.  I  WANT   to play with these ballerinas as payment for your messing around and writing a poem all  over this page.  As OFTEN  as I want to!

OK?

YESSSSS- IT’S A DEAL!

Thanks, MOM! Watch ne SMILE as I have fun with MY Magical Slippers!

HERKULES